TWO ROADS

By: Chuck

Ladies and Gentleman-this Friday evening August 7^th 2015 marks the very first step into the fantasy realm for Pussy Palace where we will congregate LIVE at the legendary Two Roads Brewing Company  in Stratford Connecticut where the infamous Tobble Bobbler will decide 10 teams fate in correlation to where their team’s draft positioning will be for the 2015 Pussy Palace Fantasy Football draft.

Many of you may not realize the importance of this event but this is a monumental evening for the Pussy Palace 2015 season.  With that being said you cannot win or lose the league this Friday night- however the line in the sand will be drawn and we will all know our draft positioning as well as the official identity to each teams keeper selections.  Never in the 5 season tenure has Pussy Palace had keepers before last season. This also will greatly affect how teams will approach their draft strategy for the upcoming season.

The bigger question is why even care where you pick?  Does draft positioning even make a difference?  Let’s take a brief look at the facts and what we know so far.

Team GFY has announced as 3^rd place from last season- that they will be selecting #1 overall.  What will they do with it?  One has to think in a 2 QB PPR league –as most of us already know Quarterbacks are a premium in this league and team GFY will be in prime position to select the crowned emerald gem – the BHHHAAAAAAD man Aaron Rodgers who is viewed by many as the top QB in all of fantasy. As an Aaron Rodgers owner from last season it is a huge re-assurance knowing that week in and week out Aaron Rodgers is going to put up big juicy numbers- bigger than Ortiz’s chubby belly even (imagine that).  Unfortunately for me the rest of my team upchucked (no pun intended) and we all know how that went- but that being said Aaron Rodgers is the MVP in this entire draft and team GFY is a mere month away from having a chance to make Aaron Rodgers the first and newest member of team GFY.  What is even more interesting is that in my experiences with the two members of team GFY – (Chubby Gambs and The PP Ghost that is Sarno- they traditionally have invested high draft capital in running backs and again- at the top of the list  they will absolutely have their pick of the litter at running back or any other position they want because they own #1 overall. Now no matter who they pick- Aaron Rodgers, Jamaal Charles, Sarno’s bust of a boy toy Doug Martin, or Gambs’ (chubby bi-polar Thomas, PP castoff retard fabish and dick sucking jay dee’s)  nightly stroker Dez Bryant – it isn’t going to save teqam GFY’s season.  Hell team GFY might not even be able to draft with us on Friday September 4^th at 8:00PM LIVE at the luxurious Hilton Garden Inn in Milford, Connecticut because between Gambs’ gambling addictions and the ghost of Sarno who has yet to be seen since last years’ draft- we might have to #GiveMurphy a REAL chance to man the vacated spot by team GFY, but wait- then Ginger wouldn’t be able to afford his team alone and Zimbardi won’t be there to save and carry the team for Ginger like he did last year so hopefully team GFY will both be present and with monies in hand to turn into our Nazi ruling Commissioner who will easily be the sloppiest dressed one of all at the draft and watch as everyone else does his job and chaos ensues around the draft room at the Hilton Garden Inn.

Next on the docket.  My BDBN brothers. Team D.T.A.  I would call them most mystifying team in Pussy Palace today.  You never truly know WTF either of them is thinking #1 because Kevin’s brain is equivalent to the Sports Center Ticker and secondly – speaking of ghosts- the other spit swapping double pack has a ghost as well and although I truly think DJ is the brains behind this operation (tough for me to make a statement that a Jets fan has brains) , but even if he truly is the big kahuna we will never know because he is the epiphany of a silent owner – so Kevin drop your cheese head on the ground and let the rat Jets fan come out of hiding for this text-ifying lashing and answer me this- Why?! Why out of all the picks you had at your disposal in the 2015 Pussy Palace Draft – Why would you take the most UNSEXY pick at #6.  Now I know the answer to this- because you are impatient and don’t want to wait too long before picking again and want to have an entertaining night of making draft selections- OK.  Valid, but even so- why not take #12 overall and get two top tier talents? Why not take #2 overall and either get your man crush Aaron Rodgers if team GFY is likely dumb enough to pass on him- or if for whatever reason they actually read this article and it knocks some logic into their oversized noggins – why not have CHOICE of the top RB’s, WR’s, TE’s, K’s, D/ST’s, or IDP’s?!  - I listed every position because team DTA isn’t exactly the brightest either and I could totally see them taking the Jets defense at #2 overall- I mean every year they get suckered into owning a over hyped, under performing, bust of a Jet or Packer so why not start the draft off with a little bit of Jet Lag- but all kidding aside- team DTA decides to settle with…mediocrity. Now I shouldn’t be talking since I lost in the consolation bracket- but since I own this site I will do and say what I please, but team DTA is positioning themselves for mediocrity, just like last year, and just like the year before, and just like every other year going forward because team DTA really just does the darnedest things.  This is a team that CREAMED over “shoe string” Dennard Robinson last year as a starter.  I would rather go back in time and watch Maggs jerk off all over again at us from Spring Break 07’ in Panama City Beach than start shoe string in any format of fantasy this season. I would rather get a double thong stink face from Thomas and Timbo at the same time after they indulge in an all you can eat Chinese buffet than let shoe string Robinson even SNIFF my bench this season. I would rather videotape and re-create a Sandusky shower scene starring Ortiz as Sandusky and little Christopher playing a helpless young football player forced to suffer penetration over and over from a horny gorilla man Ortiz splitting his ass open but would be much more painful to watch- I can go on and on but I will spare the pleasantries and drive my point home- Team DTA needs to listen to TI’s “No Mediocre” because that just may be the path they head down yet again this fantasy season.

Now for the rest of you- the ones I have not mentioned yet – The Rick’s of the league, who- will trade two or three dozen picks before draft day, the Eric’s who was kicked out (he claims he left) and brought back in because we had nobody better to add-Joe 2 who can buy a house but can’t buy himself a fantasy title after being a PP OG- let’s enjoy this time while we can because while I went into some friendly ribbing today- once Friday comes the friendly ribbing is over with.  The game face is on and the path and pursuit to the Pussy Palace championship will begin.  This Friday at Two Roads – the road to the draft…begins.