The 2015 season will be the first year in which keepers are allowed in Pussy Palace. This has come much to the dismay of a few members of the league. Regardless of those nincompoops, the idea of actually keeping guys went off quite smoothly. Everyone agreed on the ranking system for keeping FA’s, but naturally there will be some keepers that raise an eyebrow. Your reigning, defending Pussy Palace Champion is here to break down the best and the worst of the 2015 Pussy Palace keepers.
Favorite Keepers
5. Mike Evans (Joe2+Timbo in 8th round) – Joe 2 and Timbo basically stole Mike Evans from The Romosexuals, as he was underperforming at the time. Evans ended up being very successful finishing as the #13 WR in Pussy Palace last year with the shit that is Josh McCown and Mike Glennon being responsible to toss him the ball. This year the Bucs have added a potentially competent QB in Jameis Winston. I foresee Evans finishing as a top 10 WR in 2015, and as an 8thround pick I love it.
4. Eli Manning (Team DTA in 6th round) – I know everyone likes to rip on Team DTA, but in Eli Manning they have a potentially elite keeper. With Odell Beckham, Victor Cruz returning, the addition of Shane Vereen and guys like Rueben Randle could lead to a big time fantasy season for the most mentally challenged looking Super Bowl MVP in history. I believe Eli has legitimate top 5 QB potential with the offense he has around him. Unfortunately the Giants defense is a pit so that won’t help their real team. Still awesome value in the 6th round
3. CJ Anderson (Thomas+Fabish in 6th round) – Maggs took a complete flier in drafting Anderson in the 15th round last year, only to cut him. Thomas got to end the season with Anderson as the 10thranked RB in Pussy Palace only with the potential to grow. Could Anderson be a top 5 back this year? Certainly possible with the new Gary Kubiak system, and Peyton Manning probably being on his last legs. I think Denver will be running the ball a lot, and Anderson is the only one worth a damn on that team. Defenses will have to respect Peyton Manning, so he shouldn’t see really stacked boxes often.
2. Jeremy Hill (Ginger/Murphy in 11th round) –Ginger is another one that everyone loves to make fun of. Whether it was him or Zimbardi who made this pick will always be a mystery. Regardless, it is an absolutely fantastic keeper value. Jeremy Hill was the #11 RB in Pussy Palace last year despite really not getting going until a little later in the season. Hill played a top 5 RB level for much of the latter part of the season, and I see no reason why it’s not possible for him to be in that range again. He is a north south runner with punch who should score a ton of touchdowns. He also is not necessary to be taken off the field on 3rd down like some RB’s. I would expect Gio Bernard to get on in some pass catching situations, but Hill will have some value in that department too. Hill is a really solid player at a really good value.
1.Le’Veon Bell (JD in 4th round) – After The Romosexuals royally screwed up the #1 overall pick taking Drew Brees, he finally agreed to a deal with Dacosta to send the premier keeper in the league in Le’Veon Bell to The Romosexuals. Bell can be considered one of, if not the prime reason that The Romosexuals were able to win the championship last year. Bell finished as the #1 RB in Pussy Palace, scoring truly elite numbers throughout the year. He finished with 380.5 points, outscoring the #2 RB DeMarco Murray by just under 30 points. Bell is considered by many to still be the #1 RB in PP for this year even with the 2 game suspension for liking pot too much. He is a truly elite talent, and the Steelers offense runs through him. Bell is a killer value in the 4th round.
Least Favorite Keepers
4. Larry Donnell (Team DTA in 18th round) – OK, I am not going to completely shred it due to the value of the 18th round. But this was a dumb keeper. Donnell was ranked as low as the #22 TE on RotoWire, the OFFICIAL app of Pussy Palace. Yes, they said Larry Donnell is a low end BACK UP tight end, yet for whatever reason DTA found it necessary to keep him. Did they have any other real options? Not really. Donnell had 1 stud game, and 3 OK games, otherwise he was a non-factor with fumbling issues. I wouldn’t have drafted Donnell at all, and considering names like Jonathan Stewart and Odell Beckham went in the last round last year, DTA should have just let Donnell go and see what was there. If they HAD to have him, they could’ve selected him in the last round anyway.
3. John Brown (Maggs in 11th round) – Poor Machete has been dicked around this entire process. He seemingly is getting fucked left and right, whether that’s from the constant changing of Brown’s value to the Commish dropping his ball out of the Tobble Bobbler that would’ve ensured him the #12 pick. Brown originally was a 13throunder, then his ranking went down so he could be an 18th rounder. The very next day Michael Floyd had his fingers dislocate through his palm and Brown’s value FLEW up to make him an 11thround keeper. Brown to me is a deep threat who will not be a frequent receiver of the ball, even with the injury to Floyd. He might flash a couple games for Machete, but I can’t say I particularly love the value. Brown is a Machete guy, and he got fucked on his value 3 times, so here we are!
2. Jeremy Maclin (Ortiz in 7th round) – This isn’t so much about Jeremy Maclin. This is about Alex “noodle arm” Smith. Ortiz probably has a better arm than Smith, albeit inaccurate and no actual football IQ. Maclin is coming from a high powered passing offense with Chip Kelly to a not high profile passing offense with the very hungry and fat Andy Reid. Reid being so fat and lazy will simply just feed Jamaal Charles nonstop, maybe toss a few to Travis Kelce. Maclin should have some production, but I don’t believe Ortiz is getting very much value in the 7th round. The Chiefs threw ZERO touchdowns to WR’s last year. Ortiz better pray on his lucky stars that trend bucks or this could be the biggest BUST of the keepers.
1.Nick Foles (Pat in 13th round) – Nick Foles absolutely fucking sucks. He had a nonsense flukey 2013 in the above stated pass happy Eagles offense. Now he goes to the most over rated coach in NFL history in Jeff Fisher and has shittier weapons than the Swag Squad, or Bar 80 raiders, whatever. His offensive line is basically nothing with the exception of Greg Robinson. He better hope Todd Gurley can prove to be a good runner out the gate or he’s going to be absolutely fucked. I think Foles stinks, his situation stinks, I would never have bothered keeping this turd. Pat had MUCH better options, he was just being CHEAP on the value.
In conclusion, I think most teams did a good job with their keepers. I couldn’t mention every keeper I liked, or every single one I disliked so I kept it short. These are just some of my PERSONAL favorites, and least favorites. Maybe these rankings will come back to bite me, but fuck it! Your REIGNING, DEFENDING CHAMPION signing off ..
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