LEAGUE OWNER BREAKDOWN

By: Steve Gambs

Pussy Palace 2016, some say it is a prude league and others swear by this league. I suppose it is all a matter of opinion. I ask you however, name me another league where a member leaves, trash talks the league and then comes back as a partial owner. A partial owner of a team where a physical law abiding contract was signed, might I add. 

Pussy Palace, a league where there is an award named after a former member of the league, given to the team that comes in last place. An award given with multiple penalties that are served for being the scrub of the league(that no one follows anyway, becuase the members of the league are actually SOFT). 

Pussy Palace, a league where every single members bark is much larger than its bite. So far this year the only person to step up and be a man of his word is Pat, as much as it pains me to say it. He paid his bar tab(or onofrio did, that is still yet to be proven or determined) so he can keep TWO players.

Here is the breakdown of each teams owner in no praticular order.....

The Rookie, Owner- Chris Aff

A smack talking under aged child who believes he can "run wild" whenever he wants. He lives in the shadows of his cousin Maggs(which is an extremely large shadow as most of you can imagine). He went to Tampa for school where he had the BEST opportunity to be a child and "run wild" as he calls it and have ZERO worry about anything. Yet he decided to throw all of that away to come back home where he now follows in the footsteps of his mentor, Mike Ortiz which is a very very long spiral road.. which bring me to my next owner.

Vontego Cross, Owner- Mike Ortiz/Joe Zimbardi

Mike ortiz, a once PP Champion who is way over the hill in the fantasy football world. He claims to be the originator of fantasy to the friend group. Well to that Mr. Ortiz I say one thing, if you have been in the game that long, maybe it is time to retire. I mean all the "greats" retire at some point after their "one shinning moment".  Take advise from some of my buddies, Aaron Boone, Livan Hernandez, Ickey Woods, Christian Laettner, Dallas Braden, Shane Spencer, David Tyree, Buster Douglas and even TIM TEBOW!! The last step before hangin up the cleats is bringing in a Co-Owner to help you get through your elder years, you are heading in the right direction. Do what is best for business and hang them up, it would only benefit you.

Team DTA, Owner Kevin/????

AMBER ALERT!!!! AMBER ALERT!!!! DJ IS MISSING.. IF YOU HAVE SEEN HIM PLEASE RETURN HIM TO HIS FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE, WE MISS HIM!!!

Team Doubtful To Advance, the team that is co-owned, I think. I can only speak about the owner of this team that participates throughout the season and that is Kevin. Kevin, I enjoy taking bathroom selfies at the gym like I am a sixteen year old girl getting ready for a Friday Night Mixer. The team that has the most bias opinions known to fantasy. What do I say about Kevin, he lives for Two Roads, cries when his beloved Road Jam is no longer, and does not drive once the street light come on. Oh and he LOVES himself a TASTE of Onofrio.

All Fired Up, Owner- Onofrio

HA HA HA HA HA what a joke. You go from being the Champion of the league, to playing against the same schedule as last year and being the bottom of the barrel. Yes I said the same schedule as last year because he is also our BELOVED COMMISH who did not change the schedule. I mean it is just a minor detail, why fix it. He is a true Commish though, corrupt as all the others and does whatever it takes to get what he wants, just ask Pat. Onofrio got a very nice blowy from Pat to get back in this league. 

P.S. How is Dion Lewis doing?

Hail Mary I To The Queen, Owner- Pat

Should be calleD, Hail Mary I Should Be Clean. I bonified Junkie who enjoys nights out with hookers and an occasional cocaine trip, but STOP guys, he doesn't do drugs! I think he has a lot more in common with Onofrio than the average eye might see though. They both are absolutely in love with Bar 80, they are both not the tallest people in the world, and they both had keepers who wont play this year. I am starting to see what is going on here, if i see Onofrio with a hooker and/or cocaine we are in trouble. Maybe Pat should follow the footsteps of his keeper Josh Gordon, remember Pat the first sign of an addiction is denile.

Drink Your Miller Ingrams, Owner- Thomas/Fabish

I have never had much grip with these owners, other than the fact that whe Thomas drinks he produces enough saliva to wash an entire 18 wheeler, but hey who am I to judge. Then there is Fabish, I mean come on, its Fabish do I need to bash him?

Mean Machine Child Beaters, Owner- Joe2/Timbo

Joe2 every single thing he touched turns to gold and it is starting to get a tad rediculous. This kid must have about 7 or 8 four leafe clovers shoved so far up his as they will never run out. Then there is Timbo, a good hearted slugish kid who could easily be mistaken for one of Jerry's Kids if he were in DIsney, and I aint talking about Jerry Jones! FREEMAN FOR PRESIDENT!! TIMBO IN 20-NEVER!!!

The Trojans, Owner- Maggs

Michael I need atleast 2 'ME DAYS" a week and dont you dare bother me on a Sunday Maggliochetti. Weighing in at a whopping 325 pounds(im being generous here) and topping over6 feet tall, one would think he would have a bigger set of balls than he does. He actually needs to ask Sam if he can have his balls back just so he can jerk off. These are actuall facts here people, you can see it live and in person next year at the 2017 Northern States Expodition- THE BIG E, he will be located right next to the Worlds Heaviest Pig booth. Buy now for special prcing $1 gets you enterance into both exibits.

The Romosexuals, Owner- DeMayo

The 5 time, 5 time, 5 time, 5 time, 5 time, winner of the ugliest penis award, which his most recent title coming in 2016. JD is also the Fantasy Gods favorite participant in ALL of fantasy. One will never learn, he can have the best roster year in and year out, but the fantasy god DO NOT LIKE an ugly penis JD. Do the world(exspecially boo) a favor and get that shit fixed, or atleast trimmed up a little. Actually get yourself fixed, this world doesnt need baby DeMayo's running around it in the years to come.

Center Of Attention, Owner- Ginger

The door mat of Pussy Palace. Ginger went from being a top contender with Joe Zimbardi by his side, to the laughing stock of the league. This year he even brought in help for the draft!! We can all see that this did not work, which only leaves you with one more option. Let Murphy have full control of the team!!!! One year is okay to be in the bottom, but two years in a row is a trend Ginger, it is time to "cut the dead weight" as our lovely Commish says, and you my friend are the definition of The Dead Weight of Pussy Palace.

The Monstars, Owner- Eric

Not much to say, he has only been a part of this league for going on 2 years now. Other than making a stir last year and picking up players while he was "out of contention" which i totally agree with, spend your FAB!!! That is why we have it, I dont see much wrong with Eric. Just do me a favor, dont make that noise for a while, it hurts my ears! OH and lastly, he has one hell of a SMOKE SHOW of a wife,,, Kudos to you Eric!!!

TGFY, Owner- Gambs/Sarno

G.O.A.T      Enough said. You didn't think I was going to bash my own team, did you?